if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize