I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
