what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
