she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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