you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
