I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
