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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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