so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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