we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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