I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
