Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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