Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
vagina is talking i cant
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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