Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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