Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
