3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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