she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
