Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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