was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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