She's JV to your varsity
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
