so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
