I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
