If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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