exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
