The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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