Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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