I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
