As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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