just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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