I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
