so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize