I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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