Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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