thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
