Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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