my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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