You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
