Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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