My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize