I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
