kristin has been a bad kristin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
