I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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