she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
