His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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