I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
