she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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