Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
