My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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