not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
