come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
