i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
