Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
