At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
