And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
