I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
