Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
