Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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