Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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