if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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