she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
