this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize