Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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