He is such a slut. More and more my type.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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