dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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