I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
