Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
