Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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