No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
