Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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