Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
