do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
