Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
