last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
