Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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