She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
