I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
