I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize