her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
