We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
