it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
