I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
