I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
