Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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