why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
