I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
